Wang's Latest

VooDoo Lady

This is a true story. It will be a lot better if you listen to this while reading. Theres a great bar in Philly right by the office called McGlinchys. Its one fo the oldest bars in Philly. They sell 1.68 lagers and disgusting hot dogs. You can still smoke in there, the juke box is amazing, and the bartenders are all pretty much white trash. Like I said - great bar. One day after work I walked over to have a few beers and end up sitting next to two women. Both are at least mid-thirties. One blonde and one brunette. They definitely had that dark look. I dont want to say goth but def not your typical girl next door. Thats when I should have left. Im eavesdropping on the conversation and they keep talking about cult shops in New Orleans, witchcraft and voodoo dolls. After 2 beers I became more interested. Eventually, I make eye contact with the blonde lady and smile. She says "You think thats funny?" "Do i think whats funny?" "Do you think this is a joke she replies?" Now Im laughing cause I think she is fucking with me. She says "Hold my purse boy." 2 beers later I am holding her purse and lighting her cigarettes for her. She instructs me not to speak unless spoken to and keeps asking if I need to be punished. It turns out they are 2 dominatrixes and they are now plotting on how they can both take me home and do weird things to me and my ass. Some people say things like "Im gonna get your ass" meaning Im gonna get you. They usually dont mean they are gonna actually do something to your ass. Anyway, the brunette has to leave and the blonde says that Im staying with her. After 2 more beers the idea of some hot older lady coming back to my apartment sounds a little better. I mean Im 27, single, and didnt have any expectations. The whole scene was hilarious and I was enjoying laughing at her demands. I didnt realize how serious she was and each time I laughed the anger grew more. An hour later we are in a cab pulling up to her house. She tells me to get out dont say a word and Im not leaviung until she says so. I follow her in to her house and she throws me against the wall. She tells me Im her bitch and shes gonna use her toys on me and Im gonna take it no matter if I like it or not. I beg to use the bathroom and thats when I sobered up..... maybe because I was frightened.  I throw some water on my face, and plan the escape. I tiptoe out of the bathroom and see the front door. I look at her in the kitchen, laugh, and run right outside. I was at the end of the block before I heard the door close and never looked back. I literally sprinted 4 blocks and ran the rest back to my grandmas house. I just escaped what could have been an ugly situation and passed out rather quickly. At some time in the night we exchanged phone numbers and she must have called me 20 times leaving messages like youre gonna pay and "You dont know who you just fucked with." As far as I was concerned I didnt agree to anything and I shouldnt have had to sneak out. The next morning I woke up with excruciating pain in my sides right below my rib cage. I didnt think much of it and as the morning went on it got worse. It felt like someone took 2 samurai swords and shoved em in my sides straight through my back. I sat in my boss's office holding my sides and moaning. He asked what I did the night before and I started to piece things together. "Dude you got Voodooed," he says. And the more I thought about it the more I realized he was right. That crazy dildo dominatrix lady was so pissed she busted out her voodoo doll with my name on it and gave it to me good. I guess she figured if she couldnt stick one thing in me, she would stick 2. Thats my VooDoo Lady story.

Fill Er Up

I been meaning to write this for a while now so Im gonna tell it like it happened today.

About a month ago I had to take the light rail to a basketball game. The tunnel was closed for repairs so I had to walk down to the SODO stop. I stopped at the gas station to pick up some gatorade. On my way out I noticed an older man stopped at one of the pumps. he was driving a nice lexus and seemed like he was having trouble getting out of the car.

I walk over and ask him if he needs help. He mumbles something like "Its my nephews car" which I took as "yes." He hands me some cash and I start to go inside to pay the cashier when I look at the amount. Its a whopping 2 dollars. I turn back and say "2 dollars? Right?" He mumbles yes and waves his hand at me. Ok, that should get him like 15 miles but hey, he has to get the car back to his nephew. I pumped the gas and send him on his way. Poor guy - it must hurt to even get out of the car. I thought to myself I hope thats not me one day and commit to stretching a lot more before games.

Today (more like a few weeks ago), Im walking back to my house from the bank and notice a car pulled over with 2 cops blocking him in. It just so happens its right outside my old office. Anyway, as I get closer I notice its a similar black lexus that the old man was driving a month before. I walk by and who do I see sitting on the curb in handcuffs? The old man form the gas station! I observed as the tow truck came and eventually took his car. He was yelling at the cops and was obviously smashed out of his mind. He had his license and insurance papers spread around on the ground and was having a hard time picking em up.

So it dawned on me. I didnt help out an old disabled man... I helped out an old drunk man at 11 AM. I guess the only good thing is he only had about 15 miles until he ran out of gas. Check out the pics. I love this guy except the fact he was hammered driving around my neighborhood for a month.

Homeless Impersonator with a Website

Like everyone else in Seattle, I have seen and heard some strange things on the bus. One of the most memorable was when I was on my way to work. This guy who was about 6'3" with a long black wig and sunglasses gets on. He is wearing tight black jeans and a matching woman's top. Hes carrying something on his side. I look up as he sits down. Next to him he sets a mannequin 

that looked like his twin. It had long black hair, black sunglasses and an identical outfit. An older black woman leans over and says "She is beautiful." She was talking about the mannequin. The man replies "Yeah shes sweet but has been acting up today." Not really sure what to think about that. That was the best ride until this past Sunday night.

I was working late this like usual and headed home from the office around 9:30. I decided to jump on the bus cause it was raining and overheard the best conversation ever. A group of homeless men get on together. They are all in their 40s or 50s and white. They are carrying on and talking loud. 

First, I hear one talking about how his lady friend makes 50 dollars per hour selling real change outside the pharmacy on 23rd and Jackson. Im like holy shit thats more than I make. A young guy in front of me who was wearing new clothes, sneakers and a nice watch asks where he can make 50/hr. The guy says his friend sells real change and is a newspaper for homeless. The young guy replies that he is homeless and wants a job. I found that odd cause he looked more put together than me.

The main guy starts talking about how he is going to be a millionaire and world famous. He keeps saying he has a website. 'I have a website dude. A website. I have a website with a cpanel." Thats when I started really listening cause cpanel is short for control panel and he must not be bullshitting. He then goes on about how he is an impersonator and can do any celebrity voice. He proceeds to do perfect renditions of Sylvester Stalone from Rocky1, John Wayne, Al Pacino from Scarface, and Robert Dinero from some movie I cant remember now. They were amazing. No joke. I know all of the Rocky movies by heart and would have thought Sly was 2  sitting 2 seats behind me.

Someone asked about his website and he says he updates it every day. "I go to the Library on 4th to use the computers. My buddy set me up with a cpanel so I can change any text I want. I can even add photos." I couldnt believe this homeless guy has his own website and I couldnt believe the 2nd rocky impersonation he did. If I was feeling social or ambitious I would have offered to be his manager. He may have signed his life away for a six pack and a joint. 

See Wang Stand. Hear Wang Talk

Hey - If you been reading this blog, you should know the Wangster by now.

Click to listen to a couple voice messages. Translations will be up soon.

MID at the Union Market

I was in the Union Market (5th and Jackson) yesterday and saw the most amazing product. Its a Durag designed after the cover of Men in Black. All I can say is take a really good look at the picture above.

"High Class/Excellent Quality"

"Comfortably Breathable"

and the best one....

"Made for the People with Style"

And even more amazing, the guy in front of me bought one, put it on in the store, then asked for a red bandana (which they sell there as well). Check out the pic to the right. I had some idiot try it on. Looks pretty good on him.

I bought 1 for each of my brothers so they can represent in the streets of Jersey.

Union Market

I posted this on YELP a few months ago. Its a background to what Im about to post..... 

Its never a dull moment at the Union Market. If you go there anytime before 9 AM, you will get the remarkable aroma of deep fried everything. From chicken wings to eggrolls to taquitos and burritos.... they all go in the same fryer and I swear there is no fan back there. None the less, by 2 PM most of those goodies are bought up. I guess they go good with the 2 dollar tallboys. 

There is always one of the friendly neighbors out front asking for change and you will occasionally see full families in there hanging out after 10 PM....its like a trip to the mall. I bring leftover dinner a few times a week. 

One time, I brought a baked salmon pesto with rice and greens. I offered it to a lady who said she was hungry. She took a look and said she does not eat salmon and handed it back to me. I did not want to get rejected again so I left it on a bench thinking someone would eat it. I came back out to find a swarm of seagulls rummaging through the bag and spreading salmon all over 5th and Jackson.

Back to the Union Market...the owner and guys behind the counter are cool and dont take any shit. You can get basically anything you want from eggs to single cigarettes.... I would stay away from the corn dogs.

The best part is someone also wrote a review. See it here

Pedro - Naked Drunk Guy

I better write this before I forget. I mean its been over 2 years. Its still kinda fresh in my head which makes me scared I wont forget the other things that have happened.

I guess I was living in my place for a few months when I met Pedro. It was about 11 PM on a Saturday night and I had no food in the fridge. I decided to walk down to Jimmy Johns in Pioneer square for a quick sandwich. Honestly, Im still surprised I can get any type of food in Seattle after 9 PM, yet alone a hoagie. By the way, Seattle sucks for hoagies. Thats a whole new topic I hope to write about soon. I walk down avoiding crackheads and drunk idiots and grab a BLT with extra cheese. You need to order cheese on a BLT! I was eating the last bite as I walked up to the front door. I live in a "secure" building where residents are supposed to buzz guests in or at least use a code to open the door. I let myself in and look up.

There stands this latino guy in his 30s wearing nothing but sneakers, socks, and well thats about it. He is holding two tiny pieces of fabric - one in the front and the other in the back. He is standing by the elevator when he sees me. He kind of cracks a smile and jumps on 1 of the 2 elevators. OK, Im freaked out and a little unsure of what to do. So, I just chill. About a minute later, he gets off the first elevator and tried to jump in the other. These elevators go to the same floor so there would be no reason to switch. At that point, Im pissed. Fuck this guy. I say "Hey, where the hell are you going?" He gets off and is wacked out of his mind. He says he's going to his friends place. I say "These elevators go to the same fucking place and if you didnt know what floor the first time, you dont now... so get the fuck off!"

Which he does. The guy is way drunk. Im asking him who he is visiting and he is just smiling and kinda flirting with me which was weird but kinda flattering. I tell him hes gotta leave. He says no. I then proceed to push his ass out the front door trying my best to not see or touch anything. I get him to the door and he is fighting to stay in. I finally throw him out by his neck and pull the door shut. I'm about to go upstairs and forget about the whole thing. Then, of course, I feel bad.

During the scuffle, he was telling me he went to the Mariners game and all he remembers is being at Pyramid brewery. He had a nice watch on with new sneakers and a fresh haircut. He was not homeless or a crackhead. Well, maybe a crackhead but not a street person. The other thing that was really creepy is he had scratches all over his neck and back. The pieces of fabric turned out to be from his boxers which is even worse. Anyway, I look at the dude standing out front and naked for the most part. He had a rough night already. Maybe a night in jail would have helped cause thats where he would have ended up if I left him.

I grab some towels from the community bathroom and hand em out the door and tell him to wait. I go upstairs and find my oldest, shittiest jeans and a t-shirt. Yep, I let the fool wear my stuff. I let him in to change and tell him he has to go back outside but I will try to find his friends. First, I interrogate Pedro repeatedly asking him his name, his friends name, where we works, etc. I didnt think he was lying to me so I decide to help. He gives me some numbers to call and after about 6 I end up on the phone with his dad in California. He confirms everything Pedro said including where he is a bar tender (at the time it was one of my favorite happy hour spots) By the way, I made him promise me free food. Im feeling better about being outside alone with him. Its after 12 at this point.

Just then, my neighbor comes out of the garage with a bat and asked if I saw some drunk dude in the building. I said "yeah, this guy. I found him half naked and now hes wearing my clothes." My neighbor freaks out and says some guy was trying to break into cars. He went down to check on his and found a pair of jeans, tshirt, cell phone and wallet next to his car. It was Pedro's. The neighbor is going crazy. He wants to beat him with the bat and swears Pedro was trying to break in. Either way, he wants to call the cops. I try to tell him I just spoke to his father and he lost his friends. Doesnt matter, neighbor wants to call the cops which he does.

I tell Pedro he better leave or hes gonna be arrested. He smiles again and gives me that weird creepy look. He doesnt want to leave. OK, last chance.. last chance I keep telling him. Well, 2 hours later the cop shows up. Pedro and my neighbor are still out front. 2 hours later! I live across from the new 911 call center in Seattle and it took 2 hours for the cops to come. Anyway, the cop comes, sees that he is drunk and doesnt care. I do tell the officer that I spoke with his dad and everything seemed to check out. Pedro is sobering up and remembers where he parked. The cop agrees to drive him back to his car. I was happy, my neighbor was pissed.

I go upstairs and call the father back who is obviously concerned at this point. I let him know that I gave his son clothes, he was sobering up, and the cop was driving him back to his car. The next day I get a call from a guy and he says "Hello, this is Pedro. Ummm......My dad told me to call and say.... thanks." He did not remember anything.

To this day I have no clue what happened that night but I was creeped out. I figured he met some guy at the baseball game and ended up back in my building. His boxers looked like they were shredded and the scratches made me assume he was attacked - maybe butt raped. Maybe he was hiding in the garage. Maybe he liked it. Im grossed out just thinking about it and cant look at certain neighbors the same.

I never did go back for the free happy hour food. Actually, Ive never been back there at all. Maybe I will stop in one day to see if he remembers me and if I can get my jeans back. Fucking Pedro.