Public Fellatio with a View

Oh Seattle, you lucky city placed in the most beautiful and mild part of the country. You give guys like me the opportunity to buy a sweet condo with an amazing view located 2 blocks from the oldest part of the city, right across the street from the brand new 911 call center, and a stone skip away from the wonders of Chinatown. About 65 days a year I can wake up see boats out on elliott bay and the beautiful Olympic Whitecaps. At night, I can watch the sunset in awe. As much as I bitch about this place, I will never take that for granted.

Around 95 days a year (3 to date in 2011) I have some more interesting, disturbing, and down right fucked up views. I get about a 180 degrees of South Downtown. To the right is the bay, then its the stadiums, on over to Beacon Hill, and a little of I5. Not too bad right? Im on the top floor and if you look straight out, I have to admit the view is pretty perfect. Its when you step closer to the sliding glass door and take a look down.

Again, across the street - brand new 911 call center that is supposedly some kind of emergency bunker for the mayor. Thats one corner. To the left - a parking lot that is booming during the day and a desert at night. Right below me - another empty lot and up to the left - another. Yeah maybe I am an idiot to buy this place thinking those lots would be high rises, cafes and grocery stores by now. Then again it was 4 years ago.

Today, a Friday, around 4 PM (daylight and "Seattle rush hour") I take a quick look out and I see some dude laying on the small strip of grass between the lots. People are walking down the hill towards china town, others are picking up their cars from the lots, and a few kids are practicing kickflips in the street. I look again and see some middle aged white lady sitting behind the tree next to him. At first I thought she was pulling a crack pipe out of her sock but she was just taking her shoes off. Then her pants, but only one leg. I blink and the next thing I see is some chunky, nasty, pale white ass jiggling. She is pretty much riding the dude. He's is laying back with his hands in the air. I see a neighbor walk past and do a double take, I went back to grab my phone to record, and the skater kids just saw the action.

She must have saw the kids with the skateboards with their cell phones out and she got off of him and before I could get back - her pants were back on. He didn't care. Next thing you know all I can see is the silhouette of her head bobbing up and down. Dude must have been like "I don't care if those kids are watching, get the job done." and she did. The kids think the guy doesn't see them but he does. He eventually waves and they wave back. They get up from behind the cars and walk away. I didn't stay to see if she ever really did finish the job. Now that I think about it. I was standing on my balcony with my phone trying to record the madness. Maybe he was waving at me. The video came out crappy but I took a screenshot so you can get a good visual. Check out the dude in the red. He went to his car, almost got in, got out and stared for a few seconds, and then left. I have footage from the previous one as well. Not sure if I want to send to KIRO or one of those guys, or maybe even the mayor. Who is the mayor of this town anyway? I need to talk to that guy

Wang's Latest

VooDoo Lady

This is a true story. It will be a lot better if you listen to this while reading. Theres a great bar in Philly right by the office called McGlinchys. Its one fo the oldest bars in Philly. They sell 1.68 lagers and disgusting hot dogs. You can still smoke in there, the juke box is amazing, and the bartenders are all pretty much white trash. Like I said - great bar. One day after work I walked over to have a few beers and end up sitting next to two women. Both are at least mid-thirties. One blonde and one brunette. They definitely had that dark look. I dont want to say goth but def not your typical girl next door. Thats when I should have left. Im eavesdropping on the conversation and they keep talking about cult shops in New Orleans, witchcraft and voodoo dolls. After 2 beers I became more interested. Eventually, I make eye contact with the blonde lady and smile. She says "You think thats funny?" "Do i think whats funny?" "Do you think this is a joke she replies?" Now Im laughing cause I think she is fucking with me. She says "Hold my purse boy." 2 beers later I am holding her purse and lighting her cigarettes for her. She instructs me not to speak unless spoken to and keeps asking if I need to be punished. It turns out they are 2 dominatrixes and they are now plotting on how they can both take me home and do weird things to me and my ass. Some people say things like "Im gonna get your ass" meaning Im gonna get you. They usually dont mean they are gonna actually do something to your ass. Anyway, the brunette has to leave and the blonde says that Im staying with her. After 2 more beers the idea of some hot older lady coming back to my apartment sounds a little better. I mean Im 27, single, and didnt have any expectations. The whole scene was hilarious and I was enjoying laughing at her demands. I didnt realize how serious she was and each time I laughed the anger grew more. An hour later we are in a cab pulling up to her house. She tells me to get out dont say a word and Im not leaviung until she says so. I follow her in to her house and she throws me against the wall. She tells me Im her bitch and shes gonna use her toys on me and Im gonna take it no matter if I like it or not. I beg to use the bathroom and thats when I sobered up..... maybe because I was frightened.  I throw some water on my face, and plan the escape. I tiptoe out of the bathroom and see the front door. I look at her in the kitchen, laugh, and run right outside. I was at the end of the block before I heard the door close and never looked back. I literally sprinted 4 blocks and ran the rest back to my grandmas house. I just escaped what could have been an ugly situation and passed out rather quickly. At some time in the night we exchanged phone numbers and she must have called me 20 times leaving messages like youre gonna pay and "You dont know who you just fucked with." As far as I was concerned I didnt agree to anything and I shouldnt have had to sneak out. The next morning I woke up with excruciating pain in my sides right below my rib cage. I didnt think much of it and as the morning went on it got worse. It felt like someone took 2 samurai swords and shoved em in my sides straight through my back. I sat in my boss's office holding my sides and moaning. He asked what I did the night before and I started to piece things together. "Dude you got Voodooed," he says. And the more I thought about it the more I realized he was right. That crazy dildo dominatrix lady was so pissed she busted out her voodoo doll with my name on it and gave it to me good. I guess she figured if she couldnt stick one thing in me, she would stick 2. Thats my VooDoo Lady story.

Fill Er Up

I been meaning to write this for a while now so Im gonna tell it like it happened today.

About a month ago I had to take the light rail to a basketball game. The tunnel was closed for repairs so I had to walk down to the SODO stop. I stopped at the gas station to pick up some gatorade. On my way out I noticed an older man stopped at one of the pumps. he was driving a nice lexus and seemed like he was having trouble getting out of the car.

I walk over and ask him if he needs help. He mumbles something like "Its my nephews car" which I took as "yes." He hands me some cash and I start to go inside to pay the cashier when I look at the amount. Its a whopping 2 dollars. I turn back and say "2 dollars? Right?" He mumbles yes and waves his hand at me. Ok, that should get him like 15 miles but hey, he has to get the car back to his nephew. I pumped the gas and send him on his way. Poor guy - it must hurt to even get out of the car. I thought to myself I hope thats not me one day and commit to stretching a lot more before games.

Today (more like a few weeks ago), Im walking back to my house from the bank and notice a car pulled over with 2 cops blocking him in. It just so happens its right outside my old office. Anyway, as I get closer I notice its a similar black lexus that the old man was driving a month before. I walk by and who do I see sitting on the curb in handcuffs? The old man form the gas station! I observed as the tow truck came and eventually took his car. He was yelling at the cops and was obviously smashed out of his mind. He had his license and insurance papers spread around on the ground and was having a hard time picking em up.

So it dawned on me. I didnt help out an old disabled man... I helped out an old drunk man at 11 AM. I guess the only good thing is he only had about 15 miles until he ran out of gas. Check out the pics. I love this guy except the fact he was hammered driving around my neighborhood for a month.

Homeless Impersonator with a Website

Like everyone else in Seattle, I have seen and heard some strange things on the bus. One of the most memorable was when I was on my way to work. This guy who was about 6'3" with a long black wig and sunglasses gets on. He is wearing tight black jeans and a matching woman's top. Hes carrying something on his side. I look up as he sits down. Next to him he sets a mannequin 

that looked like his twin. It had long black hair, black sunglasses and an identical outfit. An older black woman leans over and says "She is beautiful." She was talking about the mannequin. The man replies "Yeah shes sweet but has been acting up today." Not really sure what to think about that. That was the best ride until this past Sunday night.

I was working late this like usual and headed home from the office around 9:30. I decided to jump on the bus cause it was raining and overheard the best conversation ever. A group of homeless men get on together. They are all in their 40s or 50s and white. They are carrying on and talking loud. 

First, I hear one talking about how his lady friend makes 50 dollars per hour selling real change outside the pharmacy on 23rd and Jackson. Im like holy shit thats more than I make. A young guy in front of me who was wearing new clothes, sneakers and a nice watch asks where he can make 50/hr. The guy says his friend sells real change and is a newspaper for homeless. The young guy replies that he is homeless and wants a job. I found that odd cause he looked more put together than me.

The main guy starts talking about how he is going to be a millionaire and world famous. He keeps saying he has a website. 'I have a website dude. A website. I have a website with a cpanel." Thats when I started really listening cause cpanel is short for control panel and he must not be bullshitting. He then goes on about how he is an impersonator and can do any celebrity voice. He proceeds to do perfect renditions of Sylvester Stalone from Rocky1, John Wayne, Al Pacino from Scarface, and Robert Dinero from some movie I cant remember now. They were amazing. No joke. I know all of the Rocky movies by heart and would have thought Sly was 2  sitting 2 seats behind me.

Someone asked about his website and he says he updates it every day. "I go to the Library on 4th to use the computers. My buddy set me up with a cpanel so I can change any text I want. I can even add photos." I couldnt believe this homeless guy has his own website and I couldnt believe the 2nd rocky impersonation he did. If I was feeling social or ambitious I would have offered to be his manager. He may have signed his life away for a six pack and a joint. 

See Wang Stand. Hear Wang Talk

Hey - If you been reading this blog, you should know the Wangster by now.

Click to listen to a couple voice messages. Translations will be up soon.

MID at the Union Market

I was in the Union Market (5th and Jackson) yesterday and saw the most amazing product. Its a Durag designed after the cover of Men in Black. All I can say is take a really good look at the picture above.

"High Class/Excellent Quality"

"Comfortably Breathable"

and the best one....

"Made for the People with Style"

And even more amazing, the guy in front of me bought one, put it on in the store, then asked for a red bandana (which they sell there as well). Check out the pic to the right. I had some idiot try it on. Looks pretty good on him.

I bought 1 for each of my brothers so they can represent in the streets of Jersey.